‘A middle-aged man with MS on the job scrap heap’

Michael was a high-flying company director when he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis earlier this year. Only shortly afterwards, amidst the economic impact of the pandemic, he lost his job. Here, he describes the devastating reality of such a double blow, and why he is determined to find the confidence to get him through.

“I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis just before lockdown. Five months later, I was made redundant. The two events weren’t linked, but both have been central to the real uphill battle I feel I’m fighting at present.

Prior to my diagnosis, I had a senior commercial role in a national company. It was a very demanding and stressful job, and often I’d work very long hours in a high-pressured environment. Travelling around the country was a staple of the job, so it was routine for me to be extremely tired. Amidst that, little things came and went, health niggles which obviously weren’t right, but I thought little of at first.

The day I was sitting on a train and my paperwork became so blurred I could barely see it. The time I was in a meeting and realised my left arm had gone completely numb. The awful occasion I was about to go into a presentation and my carefully-planned speech became alphabet spaghetti in my head. The growing realisation I had decreasing strength in the same arm which went numb previously.

These were all completely new and scary things for me, but I put it all down to the fact I was shattered. That is, until they started to happen more often. I cancelled my doctor’s appointment twice due to my schedule, but when I did eventually go, it quickly became apparent there was something to worry about. I was referred to the hospital where I underwent a series of tests, including an MRI scan, and was told in a subsequent appointment I had MS.

It was not what I was expecting, and in truth it was devastating. I had a director-level role with unrelenting demands, and as someone in my mid-40s, I wasn’t ready for my life to be over just yet. I didn’t regard myself as an old man until that day, but the road ahead all of a sudden didn’t look so great. With a young family to support and enjoy my life with, things looked very bleak.

In the weeks following, as COVID-19 hit the country and lockdown came, I was put onto furlough leave and had plenty of time to research MS and its effects. I realised it was still possible to live a full life. My immediate terror of being disabled and not being able to enjoy my son growing up was made much better by reading the stories of other people, who had similarly received the utterly traumatic diagnosis of having such an illness, but who continued to live their lives despite the odd blip along the way.

I chose not to tell my employer as there didn’t seem much point. I was on furlough leave, which I thought may give me the time I so badly needed to rest and recover from my exhaustion, plus when I did return to work, I may not need to tell them at all if I continued to generally function and feel well. I didn’t feel the need to tell anyone apart from my close family, and that is exactly the way I wanted it.

Just as I felt I was beginning to cope with the reality of having MS, the call came to tell me I was being made redundant. Being told you’ve lost your job during a pandemic, in which hundreds of thousands of other people are also out of work, is bad enough. But being made redundant with MS was a double blow.

A middle aged man with MS on the scrap heap. Who would want to employ me? Absolutely, I have skills and experience and a great track record. But balance that with the fact I don’t know what lies ahead with my illness and what effect it will have on me into the future, and it’s not a great proposition. It can’t be the most appealing prospect for a potential employer.

Despite that, and the undeniable anxiety I feel every day, I can only look to the future with confidence and hope. The job search continues, and while that is a continuing weight on my shoulders and one which does terrify me, I want to try and keep as happy and healthy as is possible, to give me the best chance of managing my MS.

It’s still all very new, so I’m coping as best I can, with the support of my family. I don’t feel ready to access any support just yet, or go to any groups or anything of that kind, but I hope that once I’ve learned to deal with it myself, then I’ll be able to reach out to others.”