How many times have you heard busy people say “I have my best ideas when I’ve taken a break”? What is that about and how can we borrow from those breaks into our everyday life, so we feel like our best ideas are available throughout the year?
This is a version of self-care that makes a lot of sense to Dr Shabnam Berry-Khan, MD, clinical psychologist and Advanced BABICM case manager at PsychWorks Associates, and social worker, and safeguarding consultant and trainer Linda Sayers, founder of Sayers Social Care Consultancy.
Here they reflect together on some key aspects of their training backgrounds and experience to unpick what keeps them sane in the busy and stressful life of personal injury work
Self-care fatigue is real: the struggle to find something that works for us in our busy lives and that doesn’t leave us feeling like we’re failing ourselves somehow and then possibly giving up.
Layer on top those ah-ha moments that people talk about when on a break and not being able to switch off when on a break meaning that even a holiday isn’t enough.
As Shabnam and Linda see it, this is because self-care is a lifestyle not a set of activities you do in a behavioural or modular way in your day or week. Their ideas are based on three key premises, as outlined here:
- Know thyself
In previous blogs, Shabnam has written about self-care being something that is linked to telling yourself the truth about how you feel about your life and knowing the values that make you happy. If you can honestly say that you’re living a life that ticks enough boxes, then you’ve done well!
For those who feel less positive in their answer, there are some really great ideas from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to help you switch that feeling around to something more positive.
And it starts with understanding your values. Values make you who you are and living a values-based life is what makes you feel more satisfied in all areas of your life. If there’s any misalignment, that is when you begin to feel uncomfortable. But, this is simply your mind and body letting you know that something needs to change.
If you’re able to find your values, then you are likely to be better guided towards ideas that fit you and your life better.
- Boundaries
From values comes a sense of rules for what is and isn’t ok. Linda, having recently visited Antarctica and South Georgia, noted that the rules were made clear – it was essential to keep five metres away from all wildlife, for their own protection.
“Faced with a million King Penguins in St George’s Bay, South Georgia, who did not see humans as predators, this was really quite a challenge,” she says.
“They repeatedly broke the rules, ventured closer and were just downright nosey – as a wildlife enthusiast and keen photographer, this was an absolute dream for me.
“But my values stepped in and I quickly realised it was entirely my role to maintain the boundaries; not theirs.
“It was like the lightbulb moment about professional boundaries. I realised this is how we should see professional boundaries in our working lives, too.”
And from that penguin encounter has come a valuable lesson in setting boundaries and sticking to them, for the benefit of everyone. We feel safer and more secure when we set boundaries that fit our values and needs; others feel more comfortable and safer when they know what our boundaries are.
On a work day level, setting boundaries in your diary to ringfence time for important tasks can be a good way to not get sucked into some of the little tasks that can either wait or can be used to help you avoid those bigger tasks. Effective use of a diary can help to bring structure and support with the planning – but it can also be an effective form of communication with colleagues as to when you are available; and crucially, when you aren’t.
- Practising soothing rhythms
Coming back to the idea of ah-ha, lightbulb moments during a break, CFT (Compassion-Focussed Therapy) will suggest this happens because you are feeding your soothe system that calms your mind and body to allow some of that good thinking to come through. This does not happen when we are very busy because our threat and drive systems are so continuously activated and the type of thinking that ensues is about protection, survival and habitual coping. There’s no time for creative or higher-level idea-making when in that heightened state.
“Psychologically, remembering to activate the soothing system can be very grounding, it’s a bit like feeling the carpet under your toes or visualisations of being rooted into the ground. Compassion for one’s self is at the core of this approach,” says Shabnam.
Using the three basic frameworks of values, boundaries and soothe, here are some things that Shabnam and Linda reflect can be transferred to the work they undertake daily. These ideas are used by these two seasoned practitioners and managers regularly with their clients and colleagues with similar emotionally-heavy workloads, often with positive outcomes. Perhaps they might work for you, too:
Idea 1: Make time for the important things step-by-step
And of course, in terms of living a kind life, our personal taste of what’s ok and not ok will differ. But, we can remain safely rooted to our values and our interests once we discover what they are. Priorities becomes clearer and motivation to honour those priorities is stronger as self-compassion grows. It then becomes about quality rather than quantity, meaning there’s more chance to experience satisfaction in our lives.
By dedicating time to particular tasks – and being rigid about factoring in time off – that can help ensure that time can indeed be found for everything; both in work and life.
In planning her next adventure, Linda shares: “You think ‘I run a business, I cannot take eight weeks off to go travelling . And you don’t need to. You may be away, but you can schedule in when your workdays or your half workdays are.
“I know what it’s like to spend your whole time on holiday worrying about what was going to be in your inbox when you came home. And there are people who feel that when they go away, everybody is going to find out they are a failure – the imposter syndrome works even harder when you’re not there.
“But if you feel you can’t take that whole time off work, then factor in some work time. Prepare before you go away so you’re able to do that, plan in that time. When I was away in the Southern Ocean, I did some LinkedIn posting, but definitely didn’t let that encroach on the quality ‘me time’.
“And what I learned from that was that the world didn’t come to an end because Linda Sayers wasn’t there for a little while.”
She continues: “I read once that a work/life balance is a cycle, not an achievement. It’s a little mantra I remember, and it’s constantly something we have to work on.
“We often speak about this work/life balance, but how do we do it? For me, it’s a case of work hard and play hard – but doing it in a very structured way.”
Idea 2: Planning in daily breaks
Routinely, many people miss lunch breaks or do not leave the office because they are ‘too busy’. This is a classic threat-drive response, to use CFT terminology.
But being disciplined with time and structuring your day can help achieve the breaks from the demands of work and have been known to improve productivity. It cannot be a badge of honour to keep ploughing away at the work desk – in fact a work culture that encourages lunch breaks and time away is one to seek out. There’s nothing more comforting than working in a company that is also committed to similar values as your own, to help feel accepted.
“As well as building in the time to have breaks away, it’s important to do it on a micro level during the day,” says Linda.
“When I plan my schedule for the day, I look for the opportunity to go around the block with the dogs, have a swim, whatever it might b, that time away from my laptop is often great ‘ideas time’.”
Idea 3: Factor in family time…routine and unexpected
Amidst busy careers, family time and commitments can often be neglected since low self-compassion presents in all areas of life – but by building in time for your personal life, you can create a sustainable routine which can factor in everything that is important. And this goes for the smaller, everyday issues as well as those bigger crisis-type moments that demand our mental space as well as your physical presence.
In those moments, showing up compassionately for the values and needs as you have set out throughout your life will come into good use. It’s worth investing in these ACT and CFT ideas when the going is good so you don’t have to learn and cope at the same time in a crisis.
As Shabnam recalls when her mother became ill, when something happens in your personal life – particularly something distressing – inevitably work will not matter in the same way. And, at that time, work-life was not so balanced. This is why she now aims for a lifestyle that builds in realistic, values-based priorities from her professional and personal lives as a routine rather than fitting her personal life into her work life for a timetable that causes less stress when a crisis hits.
As a side, the link between boundaries and self-compassion has also hugely helped with her management style as PsychWorks Associates implements a necessary more embedded CQC culture amongst the team, which has been understandably challenging.
Linda echoes: “I do sometimes look in my diary and think it looks really busy – but then I look at it the other way, and know that I have already planned in my down time too , and then work around that depending on priorities.”
And so that evolutionary process mentioned before by Linda is likely to happen with a slightly different trajectory when life is given more necessary air-time. And you get to pick and choose as Linda does with huge chunks of time, by most people’s standards on breaks, that are prioritised with other chunks of time where she is teaching and consulting without holidays away, as such.
Idea 5: List making really can work
While a very basic task, in a schedule that seems almost unachievable, a list can help to bring clarity and structure. It also brings a sense of realness and accountability to the task and in the personal injury world , accountability is key. Mental space is also freed up from having to remember everything all the time.
As Linda says: “When my day is looking really busy, I write a list. It’s so basic, nobody ever told me this during professional training, but it works. When you feel overloaded, write yourself a list. And as you complete your tasks, tick them off.
“Being forced to confront the tasks that need to be completed can be a painful but effective tool.
“I’ve found people in this profession need more support when they’re in crisis – and the most basic thing I could do to support them was to tell them to write a list, often sitting doing this with people was the first step in calming and soothing the anxiety.
“We see the scale of what’s ahead, and can then reflect and prioritise. We see what’s on the worry list and focus on getting it done.”
Idea 6: Offload
In a very demanding profession, drive is constantly activated. Without ways to instigate some soothe on a daily basis, the risk of overwhelm and burnout will be an ongoing concern. For many professionals tasked with supporting clients and families with serious and catastrophic injuries, the need for them to offload is rarely prioritised. Cancelled supervision ‘because I am too busy’ needs a thought-through and proactive supervisor response.
But to support their wellbeing, it is an essential aspect of the role, says Shabnam.
“Carrying that overwhelm can be the killer of joy, work satisfaction, quality family time, a sense of fulfilment in one’s own life,” she says.
“I hear regularly among colleagues about the mental load, the overwhelm. Case management is very female heavy, and we carry a lot.
“We’re all time poor and we don’t get rid of this mental load, so it is carried around with us. It’s so important that we find an outlet.”
And finding that outlet can come in many forms – from speaking with colleagues or friends for support, to tasks as basic as taking information in your head and committing to paper.
“That in itself is a capacity-freeing exercise, because you don’t have to hold on to it. You’ve written it on your computer, your book, your online system. So it’s out of your head, which frees up a bit of space to think about the other things,” says Shabnam.
“You’re never going to get empty capacity, and when something is taken out it’s going to be replaced by something else that comes along – but by taking things out of that massive list in your mind, that can free up space.
“It’s very important we have some space and time to think, and will help us in both our work and personal lives.”
Idea 7: Have regular downtime
Downtime can take many forms, but whatever a person’s interests or however they spend it, taking time away from the desk and emails is vital to their function and to promote the soothe and to get those ah-ha moments more regularly without expensive holidays away.
The evidence for the CFT idea is huge and, while it does require practice, it can be the little ‘happy island’ place you go to reduce all that heightened emotion accumulated up to that point. By mentally removing yourself from the stresses of work, even for a short time, productivity and inspiration can benefit.
“I have some of my best ideas when I am technically in total down time,” says Linda.
“I’m not thinking about work, I’m kayaking and paddle boarding. But suddenly that lightbulb goes off in my head and I think, ‘Oh, I’ve just worked out a way of how to introduce that into a training course’I suppose it’s because I’m free, I’ve got that space.’
“And in that brief moment, I might send myself a one-word email, because the next time I clock on, I’ll remember what this was about.”
As CFT would say, your anxieties have dropped so greater levels of thinking and creativity are available to you. It sounds counterintuitive, because you think the more I do, the more I achieve – but actually, quite the reverse can be the case.
And one final idea…Support your team in achieving this
Employers have a key role to play in supporting their team members to achieve work/life balance and to factor in time for wellbeing and self care.
For Shabnam and her team at PsychWorks Associates, insisting on space to reflect and the time to complete work in a less time-pressured way are vital to the business delivering the service to clients it does.
Shabnam has a 80/20 model of utilisation at play, where 80 per cent of the working week is fee-earning or work-focussed in some crucial way and 20 per cent is about learning, processing, formulating, thinking, supervision, crisis management, or simply down time. The idea is that values, boundaries, compassion and developing the relevant strategies can happen… once you get the idea.
Linda adds: “I have worked with, and supported, many people over the years who have had everything planned for them say by a hospital appointment system – but then when you move into a role where you have to plan and manage your own diary, that can be a very difficult thing to do.
“People need greater support during time of crisis, but if you have already taken steps to factor in time for them to step away from the demands, then you’re supporting them to avoid this. And that is positive for everyone.”
Wise words from Linda to end a piece encouraging a sustainable, compassionate, caring and value-driven lifestyle, promoting a lifestyle that is more likely to get the best ideas and the best outcomes for all for as long as possible.
For treating psychology or case management that is underpinned by compassionate approaches for the best version of clinicians possible as well as the best outcomes for clients, we invite you to contact PsychWorks Associates via www.psychworks.org.uk or admin@psychworks.org.uk – we would be happy to support your client with you!
If you want to find out more about the safeguarding training and consultancy Linda offers drop her a line on lindaesayers61@gmail.com or follow her on linked in https://www.linkedin.com/in/linda-sayers-0bb66551
