It’ll be lonely this Christmas – but at least I’ll be here to enjoy 2021
For Leanne, who has MS, the opportunity to gather with loved ones on Christmas Day is one she feels she must decline. Here, she shares her reasons for choosing to be lonely this Christmas.
Christmas is my favourite time of year, and ordinarily I’d be out celebrating, seeing friends and family, and planning something really fantastic to see in the new year.
But like for so many other people, 2020 is going to be so different. I’ll be completely on my own. And while under normal circumstances that would be the most heartbreaking Christmas I could imagine, this year it is undoubtedly my best option.
At least, that way, I’ll still be here to enjoy 2021 and the years beyond that.
I’m a young woman with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), so I’m classed as being ‘clinically vulnerable’. I’ve spent the vast part of the past year shielding, at first in line with Government advice, but once rules were relaxed, I shielded out of choice.
In a world where COVID-19 seems to be everywhere, I’m safer in my own home. It’s hard not seeing people. At first, it was absolutely horrific and I struggled immensely. The loneliness was the hardest part. I’m used to being out, living my life, which is what I promised myself I’d do when I received my devastating MS diagnosis aged only 24.
But the pandemic has brought completely unknown challenges, and the ever-present threat of an invisible virus. Never, ever did I imagine I’d spend the best part of ten months indoors, but that has become the reality – and if it’s a choice of doing this to save my life, so I’m here for years to come, I’ll take it.
Video calling became my only means of communicating with the outside world, and some days I’d spend most of my waking hours on FaceTime to my parents, reassuring them I was fine. They were so desperate to come round and take care of me, but the thought of the virus getting into my home was so terrifying, I allowed them only to wave through the window.
As rules became more relaxed, the risk to people like me was still no less real, and probably by being able to visit more places and encounter more people, the chance of catching COVID was probably as high as it ever was. So I resolved to remain at home.
The last few weeks have been a nightmare, amidst the many well-meaning invitations I’ve had from my parents and many friends, inviting me to be part of their three household bubble for Christmas. My reasons for declining are constantly challenged – ‘But we’re allowed to meet up after all this time, you need to take advantage of it,’ is the usual response.
The decision to enable people to gather for five days over Christmas was a very bad move, so while I am pleased that has been revised down to one day only, I still believe that shouldn’t happen either. Not only does it present the probability of COVID being spread, it means the pandemic is going to go on for even longer as the confirmed cases go up. Which means my isolation is going to continue well into 2021.
My Christmas Day will consist of opening presents, FaceTiming parents and friends for many hours, watching Christmas movies, and probably not getting out of my pyjamas for the whole day. I have bought a turkey for lunch too – not sure yet whether I’ll go to the trouble of cooking all the trimmings for one. While I’m trying to bring a bit of normality to Christmas, doing the things I’d usually do, in reality, nothing about this Christmas will be ‘normal’.
I’d like to wish everyone a very merry Christmas, however you spend it – and those like me, who are spending it alone, will be in my thoughts. But we can take comfort in the fact that however dreadful 2020 has been, 2021 will be a better year – one where we can (hopefully) see our friends and family, hug them again, and enjoy celebrations like we used to. That will be what gets me through this festive season.
