Having finally felt comfortable in his own skin after undergoing gender transition to become the man he wanted to be, Chris, aged only 25, was then confronted with a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. Here, he shares his inspirational story of overcoming challenges, being positive and living life to the full with the support of both the MS and LGBTQ+ communities
Having transitioned to becoming a man, which was the point I finally discovered who I am, I hoped it would be the joyous start of a new chapter in my life I always imagined it would be. But while going through the process, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Aged only 25, this wasn’t how I had imagined my new chapter would start.
To have two such huge life-changing moments come at the same time was a huge challenge – but I’ve always been determined to live my life and enjoy every day, and that was what I resolved to do. With the support of some great people along the way, I’ll continue to think positively and get on.
Looking back on my early years, I knew something wasn’t right, but there wasn’t the awareness of being transgender that there is now. I was a girl but presumed I must be gay. That still didn’t seem to be the answer to how I felt, but I didn’t really question it. I didn’t know how to. Growing up in a small town in the Lake District, where everyone knew everyone else, it wasn’t really the kind of conversation you could have very easily.
It wasn’t until I went to university in 2008 and met a friend from the LGBTQ+ community that things started falling into place. For the first time, I could speak to people like me, there was literature which was relevant, and it felt like at last I knew where my journey was taking me. That was the lightbulb moment.
About two years later, in 2010, I began my gender transition. First was social transition, which involved living as a man, legally changing my name, using male pronouns and seeing everything from a male perspective. It was strange back at home, where I grew up, now living as male, but the acceptance was amazing. Things had moved on from when I was a child, and thankfully have continued to do so.
Over the next few years after being seen by three separate psychologists, who assessed me all the way back through my childhood, I was then able to proceed with my physical transition through hormone treatment and surgery, I decided to go privately to get the process moving quicker.
I had reached the point where I knew this was who I am, and at last, after so many years, I was comfortable in my own skin.
During my transition, really randomly, one day I was at work – I work in hospitality in an arts centre – and while walking up the stairs, my right foot kept catching on the steps. It was very strange.
But then, only shortly afterwards, I had some cappuccinos on a tray and my right hand gave way and I dropped everything. I realised I couldn’t feel my whole right side.
I went to hospital and things like a stroke and TIA were ruled out, but I didn’t know what actually was happening to me. I knew it was nothing to do with the gender transition, there were no possible side effects of this kind, but I had no idea what else could be going on.
After various hospital visits, I got the diagnosis of Clinically Isolated Syndrome, but about a year later, in 2014, that was confirmed as Multiple Sclerosis. I was only 25.
While I’m often asked whether I was devastated and if my world fell apart, to be honest, my initial reaction was that I’d dealt with a lot more than this already. My transition was more difficult mentally, physically and emotionally than an incurable neurological condition that was out of my control.
I think had I not been through the transition, then the MS diagnosis might have been more difficult. But when you’ve been through such a huge life-changing process, you learn the importance of thinking positively and living your life as you.
On my own, of course I have wobbles and wonder why this has happened to me, but I try and process it logically rather than push emotion on to it. With being transgender, I could have wallowed and got through life miserably being a person I knew I wasn’t, but I always look for the solution. For the things you can’t control, you can only manage it the best way you can.
I’m now on my fourth course of treatment for MS. I started on a lower efficacy programme, but that has been escalated as my MS is progressing a little bit faster than they initially thought it would. My main symptom is with my cognition, and I won’t leave the house without my phone with loads of reminders on it, and I have whiteboards with reminders at home too.
My NHS MS team are absolutely fantastic, and if I email them at 2am with something that is bothering me, they’ll come back later that same morning. The support has been such a huge help from the MS Trust, Shift MS, the MS Society and Facebook groups.
I don’t actually think I could have got through the transition or coped with my MS without the great support I’ve been given. In many ways, the similarities between the MS and LGBTQ+ communities are so similar – they appreciate the support you need for such a life-changing thing and there are people who understand and want to do their best to help.
I’ve always been honest and open about everything and I think once people know, and know it’s fine to ask questions, they feel much more comfortable. I’d rather they came to me if there was anything they needed or wanted to know. We all have questions and it’s OK to ask.
After pretty much a year of shielding, I can’t have been outside more than ten times since March last year, I think the thing I’m most looking forward to now is to getting back out and living my life. I’m going to plan to travel again with my sister and remember how much I used to enjoy doing even the simple things.
I’d say to anyone who is going through anything they’re struggling with to reach out. Whatever the issue you face, you are part of a community and there are people there to help you. Without support, I’m not sure what my life would be like now – but the fact I got through it with positivity and am now looking forward to great times ahead, is something I’d have struggled to do otherwise.
Never be afraid – you can get through it.
