Reflection and communication are essential elements of learning and professional practice, as it allows an individual to review their progress, responses to situations, and subsequently grow from the experiences.
Are we truly mindful of what we are feeling? Are we carrying emotional burdens into work and then becoming so overwhelmed we cannot perform to our best?
As a healthcare professional, I have at times felt torn between looking after my wellbeing and the duty of care that I have towards my patients. Have you ever been off work genuinely unwell and experienced what I term ‘healthcare workers’ guilt’ because you are not there for your patients?
What happens when life circumstances occur, such as a major trauma, loss, or bereavement? I believe now more than ever during this global pandemic it is relevant to have this conversation. After reading a very moving reflective piece of hers, I decided to interview student nurse Angelina about this very topic. Angelina and I work in different hospitals, but I have taken this opportunity to raise awareness of the importance of recognition, communication and reflection on our own personal emotional status.
Angelina, I was so touched by your reflection and thank you for allowing me to share some of it to raise awareness. Can you tell me what your experience was?
“I was in the ophthalmology department for my last placement in first year. This situation happened over two days. The weekend prior my grandfather had passed away. As my grandparents and most of my extended family live in Tanzania, the distance from the UK and timing of his death meant that we couldn’t all go to his funeral back home, so my mother was going to attend on our family’s behalf.
“That weekend had been a very difficult weekend for me, as I returned home from university to grieve with my family briefly before my mother’s leaving. I was fully aware of how I was feeling, and I wanted to stay home with my family for longer. However, I had this overwhelming sense of responsibility to complete my placement and my year one competencies.”
How were you when you did go in to work?
“On the first day, when I arrived at placement, my mentor noticed that I was not the self she had become accustomed to. She requested that we have a short meeting before any patient visits, where I opened up to her about the difficulties of that weekend. She asked me if I felt that I would be able to continue with the day and offered to liaise with the ward sister and my academic advisor about giving me proper time off to grieve.
“Again, the responsibility I felt to complete my placement saw me opting to stay on, although it was to be very short lived. Whilst seeing our first patient, I left the room to get some equipment. I found myself rushing to the staff room to wipe my eyes and control my breathing before returning to the treatment room. After our patient left, I told my mentor that I was struggling to manage my emotions and requested to leave for the rest of the day. I really wanted to believe that what I needed in that moment was to just rest and ‘sleep it off’.
“The next day, I attempted placement again. This time I was working with my mentor’s colleague, who also noticed that I wasn’t my usual self. She implied that I appeared deflated and low in mood. After seeing the first patient (who happened to be an elderly gentleman) I felt overwhelmed with emotion once again. I told the nurse that I had reached my emotional limit and I needed to go home. We discussed it with the ward sister and she decided that I should take the week off to grieve as I needed, and I would communicate with my academic advisor if I needed extra support.”
On reflection, do you think you were not aware of how you were feeling?
“I was aware of my emotions. However, I made a choice. I tried to supress them. I had anxiety about a few things simultaneously. I was dealing with the hurt of our loss, as well as the guilt I felt for returning to university instead of staying home with my family. Although they encouraged me to stay strong and complete the year, I was aware of my dislike of the idea. Furthermore, I experienced anxiety about completing my competencies and finishing my placement obligations, as well as making up the hours that I had lost from taking time off.
“I appreciated how intuitive and emotionally intelligent my mentor, the other nurse and the ward sister were. They took my emotions seriously and made provisions to support me as best as I would allow them. I felt out of place and vulnerable. I worried that I wasn’t going to be able to provide quality patient care. I feared my patients’ and colleagues’ perception of me and I chose to put the patients’ experience and my university obligations first.”
What is your biggest takeaway from this experience?
“Having an awareness of emotion, particularly my own, also meant communicating and managing them well and knowing how it can affect those around me. I was initially reluctant to share what I was feeling, but in doing so I gained the support I needed. I also created an external support network consisting of family and friends to share my emotions with. Having this outlet meant I was able to better manage my emotions in the clinical environment.
“Taking time to engage in reflective practice aids in developing personal effectiveness. I was able to be a better student nurse once I learned to take care of myself, acknowledge my feelings, create a support network and consistently reflect and release.”
Thank you so much for sharing and being so transparent this is so important for us to have this conversation, particularly in the healthcare industry.
Alarna, assistant psychologist at Renovo Care
Hearing Angelina’s experience was very touching and so relatable, and I thank her for her transparency. I hope it encourages others to be open about their own experiences. Having lost my grandpa early this year, and a few short months ago losing my aunty, whilst experiencing Long COVID in between, I recognise the vital importance of knowing when to say you are not OK. Knowing when to take a break and really reflect and process.
Like Angelina, I am grateful to work with colleagues and my supervisor who are very attentive and caring across the board. I would like to encourage all who work in these types of environments, or anyone who works with people in general, to use reflective practice, it is so important and helps to ensure a healthy, whole and happy workforce.
I take this opportunity to say thank you to our frontline staff and support staff at Renovo Care and the NHS as a whole, who have been working tirelessly and at risk through this pandemic.
Finally, to all who may have lost loved ones during this pandemic, my thoughts are with you, and I hope you have given yourself the space and time to process and breathe.
Let us be our best so we can give our patients the best!
