Rhys Bowler shares his experience as a sex addict who also lives with the rare neuromuscular condition DMD in this reflective essay.
If finding a partner is your goal, be relentless in your pursuit. Feed off your hunger and burning desire to find happiness. Never say it out loud because complete honestly is not always welcome. The truth always hurts and people are not always comfortable with the brutal reality. Be remorseless in your mind, don’t stop in front of anything to achieve your hopes and dreams, all is fair in love and war.
Always be aware that people are going to get hurt. This is not selfish but it’s only human nature. As a disabled person you have been denied enough in life. I advise you to put your blinkers on and have tunnel vision when it comes to this. A one track mind often leads to success: get this one right and the rest will follow.
I know I sound cold and cruel but you don’t want to be trapped in a grey area, it’s a very uncomfortable and unsure place to be. Those situations will often waste your time and, frankly, will kill your self-esteem. There is only yes and no, maybe is not an option.
Always be clear about your intentions and make sure the other person knows what you’re after. If the feeling is mutual and you both want the same thing, fantastic! But If you find that you’re not getting anywhere, just stop, give up and move on because if your story is similar to mine you have enough female friends. I’m sure you get on and I’m sure you have an amazing connection but the chances are it’s never going to be what you want it to be.
You cannot dwell because she probably made her intention clear without you realising it. If you don’t move on and invest your emotions elsewhere, it’s really going to hurt when she’ll find a partner. I can tell you from experience: unrequited love can be extremely painful and the feeling that you wasted time can be hard to accept. Be friendly, be civil and just be friends. Move on, you can’t be with her, unfortunately it’s not on the cards for you this time.
You may have thoughts in your head that it’s your fault, that you may have done something wrong when that’s not the case at all. Why do you care? You should be seeking someone who wants you for who you are and someone who can accept everything about your personality.
Ironically it’s when you stop caring that you will get the attention that you desire; this is human nature once again. Ignore some messages, go full days without speaking to her and you will be astounded by the results: play hard to get. Have you ever wondered why those bad boys in school always get the girl? this is why.
Have you ever heard the phrase ‘high school never ends’? Well, it’s absolutely true, and it applies to the adult world. Particularly, you can apply this technique and still remain the perfect gentleman as there’s no excuse for rudeness and chauvinism. Learn from those guys but be better than them.
People usually marry a nice man: positivity always triumphs over negativity.
Rhys Bowler is a motivational speaker who lives with a neuromuscular wasting condition called Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD). He has lost the use of his entire body except for a thumb and he is permanently bound to a respiratory machine. His goal in doing motivational speeches is to inspire others with conditions like his. He aims to give people the confidence to live independently, as he does.
Read the other parts of the article at ‘I have DMD and I’m a diagnosed sex addict‘, ‘Women and my personal relationships‘, ‘Rejection, breaking up and heartache‘ and ‘Heartbreak‘.
